Desperate House Wives Crash Obama Snob-arama

White House says uninvited dinner couple met Obama

My unbounded disgust for this story spans space and time. This story is only of interest to a smug self-righteous media and the brain-dead slugs waiting for American Idol to spontaneously appear on their TV screens.

Two publicity seeking snobs crash a party of elitist snobs. That is the total sum of this stupid story. The ability of an air-headed reporter with a bad toupee to utter the words "what if" is at best a boring, self-indulgent editorial or at worst a form of mental masturbation that should come with an intellectual X rating. V-chips nationwide should resign in shame for not blocking this tripe.

What if the couple showed up in a tank? What if Blondie's dress was made of anthrax and Dagwood's tie was c4. What if a 16 ton weight flew from the sky and crushed everyone? Any bleeding fool can ask "what if" infinitum until the end of days but its sheer quantity gives it neither intellectual value or interest.

The Secret Service agent correctly determined the two people were snobs. The world wasn't going to stop spinning on its axis if that stupid party of snobs had two extra snobs. His career might come to a grinding halt if he left the wrong pair of snobs standing in mud, cooling their heels in the rain whether invited or not.

What if the couple has sticks of dynamite up their bums? Then they would be bloody terrorists and the Secret Service agent would have shot them. The only weapon snobs have a wit so dull it bores people to death.

How could the Secret Service agent know they weren't terrorists? The same way I know "what if" people are not toasters. Toasters are the shiny, smart ones. The "what if" people are so self-centered in their stupidity, they can't understand there are intelligent, well-trained people in this world who know how to do their jobs.

What if she was hiding a suicide explosives vest under her skin tight dress? Stupid people never give it a rest. They want to worry us with dangerous "ifs" that are less likely than a rogue planet crashing into the Earth tomorrow and knocking us into the Sun. "What if" people think one of my guns is going to jump up, load itself and blow my brains out. The What Ifers want to protect us from microwaving plastic, power lines, cell phones, movie popcorn, Chinese food and salt.

The most evil What Ifers of all are the Global Warmed Leftovers. They are the same assholes who predicted an ice age in the '70s. All they have done is turn their charts upside down and changed the label on their snake oil. These useless pukes want nothing more than to separate the suckers from their money. These slugs are so sleazy the politicians have climbed into bed with them for a piece of the scheme. The stupid swine are going to destroy the world's economy to fill their pockets with money that will have become worthless. Without an economy somewhere to back up the money it is nothing but numbers in a computer file.

Drive the hybrids, cap the oil wells, next stop is the depths of Hell,

The Web Walker
The Attic of Unheeded Warnings

Bye, Bye Turkey, Bye-Bye (or Helloooo Christmas)

Sweet potato casserole without marshmallows? That's as bad a pole stripper in my grandma's night robe.

Thanksgiving is meant to be larger than life, excessive and over-the-edge. A turkey gave its all for our feast and by God, it will be the best it can be. Pumpkin pie must be on the menu. It is Thanksgivings counter attack against Halloween. It is the fattening of Thanksgiving that gives Santa his "a bowlful of jelly" look.

Without Thanksgiving football would be just another obscure sport like soccer. After tearing apart a turkey, Americans want to see real men cracking skulls and breaking bones. Leather helmets and flying wings were what made Thanksgiving great not a pansy "happy holidays." "Merry F'ing Christmas you F'ing pagans!" is the battle cry of red, white and blue blooded Americans.

We nailed a guy to a cross to create the greatest retail sales day in the history of mankind, Black Friday. Spend man, spend, before the fools on the Hill tax it away from you. What is gold or earthly wealth compared to the sparkle in the eye of a small child? A world of lead-painted, choke-hazard toys await.

This Friday while we clear the retail store shelves with stolen credit cards, burgle our neighbors houses while they are out shopping and trade counterfeit food stamps for cheap wine, let's take a moment to give thanks to all the suckers who make our lifestyle possible. Without taxpayers, Congress would have to work for a living.

With the Thanksgiving leftovers rotting in the refrigerator, it is time to put up the Christmas decorations (or at least add some additions to the last year's decorations you didn't take down.) The is a wonderful opportunity to read this year's batch of new warning labels. "Do not use this ladder to serve salad." "Do not insert Christmas bulbs in mouth." "Christmas tree may make stand unstable." "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Hallmark Christmas card factory."

You also get to test out your health care insurance when the irresistible force of a hammer meets the immobile object of your thumb. Or you learn the warning label, "this is not a step," on the top of the ladder really meant it. Or learning being a human extension cord between two strings of Christmas lights is a real heart stopper.

As the taillights of your ambulance fad into the late November fog, think of all the Christmas presents you hospital bill will buy the children of the hospital staff.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Turkey In The White House

For over a hundred years, Americans happily celebrated Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November. President Lincoln sanctioned the nations many official and unofficial celebrations by declaring the last Thursday of November the federal holiday Thanksgiving day.

The American people happily and peacefully continued to celebrate Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November until along came American's Lenin, FDR. In 1939, President Franklin Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving Day forward one week. The public outrage was on the scale we hear today opposing government health care and Congress' out of control spending. FDR, a tool of big business, said Thanksgiving falling on November 30th didn't leave enough shopping days until Christmas. FDR's puppet congress agreed and changed the federal holiday to the 4th Thursday of November.

Due to FDR's unamerican activities, the National Turkey Federation (NTF) waited until 1947 to presented the President of the United States with a live turkey and two dressed turkeys in celebration of Thanksgiving.

Harry Truman gave the turkey a pep talk about heat in the kitchen before making it the main course that Thursday. Eisenhower ate his first presidential turkey in 1953. By his second term, the last of the White House kitchen stall willing to pluck a bird had moved on. The Eisenhower staff smuggled the live turkey out of the White House and brought one of the dressed to the table.

When President John F. Kennedy was presented with a bird wearing a sign that read "Good Eatin' Mr. President" he responded with "Let's just keep him." No turkeys survived being donated to Nixon. In a confusion of paper work, Ford pardoned Nixon instead of the turkey. Carter burned his turkey to heat the Oval Office due to an energy shortage. Ronald Reagan said something about trust but verify so no one knows what became of those turkeys. In 1989, George H.W. Bush became the first president to pardon the turkey. George W. Bush added the tradition of giving the bird to Disney Land.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Government Health Care Ad

You've seen the government health care commercial with the poor little kids.

In one year, I'll break arm and my parents will have to sell the house. In two years, I'll have leukemia and my parents will have to declare bankruptcy. In three years, I'll be a nun and Obama won't love me anymore.

The government health care bill does not kick in until 2013 (or 2014.) Those kids are doomed even if the bill passes.

Is Sarah Palin running for president in 2012? I don't know. Those who say she is have not objective fact to hang their hat on. Those who say we won't only spew their reasons they don't want her to run. They provide no insight into her mind.

This weekend, the king of the hill is going to put a hole in my roof and I'm going to drown. Between bribes and parliamentary tricks, Reid will get Obama-care through the Senate. With California taxes, Obama taxes and health care costs, I am doomed. All the liberal bastards that made my doom possible will be remembered to my dying day.

For all the little tin-gods ruling from the Hill, while you can only see the personal power that comes with a communist government, you will have to learn how to with the stench of death history tells us your tyranny will bring. Germany, Russia, China, Cambodia millions always die to satisfy the lust for power. The trophy of your victory will be to rule the ashes of a ruined economy. There will be no more capitalist excesses to enjoy. You will only be the kings of beggars until a stronger, crueler people take your crowns.

Orphan knows when to say goodbye. After her rating tanked for endorsing Obama and doubled having Sarah Palin on. Yes, it time to go when you have no idea what the audience wants.

Joe Bidden has a lot of experience. Every time he opens his mouth he proves to be an experienced idiot.

My America ended with the carnival. When we became to politically correct for freak shows. We became to wimpy to defend our own freedom. We no longer have the ability to laugh at and ridicule people. Al Gore and global warming, we should be hooting and hollering, throwing rotten vegetables and dead cats. Pig tail light bulbs will save us from doom. How can anyone take these Luddites seriously?

Power lines, cell phones, Tupperware in the microwave, second hand asbestos will kill me but no laughs. My toaster has a warning label to not to use in the bathtub. My candy bar has instructions on how to unwrap it. Our government can't successfully circulate a one dollar coin. Yet these are the people telling us how to run our lives. And we are not laughing at them. They are idiots, boneheads. They couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

Our Congress is the freak show of our times. Nancy, Barney Franks, Reid, Dobbs should all have their portraits painted large on canvas and hung from a tent. "Gather close folks. Gaze on the subhumans who rule you. For a mere quarter, two bits, see the freaks pass laws. Come inside friend and see the very laws of our society bent and twisted. Listen to them distort the English language into nonsense. Not a dollar, not half-a-dollar for only one-fourth-of-a-dollar be dazzled by their Constitution illogic. Come one, come all, see the Congress that has played before the royalty of Europe. They will make your eyes roll and your skin crawl. If you only see one freak show this summer, this is the one to see. Thanks folks, buy your tickets from my glamorous assistant and meet me inside."

If This Hell, I Must Be Dead

The best I can describe this world is Alice on the Dark Side of the Looking Glass. This world is full of bulging-eyed crazies and foaming loud mouths. The only intelligent discussion is at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Pack up your preconceived illusions and follow me.

As we approach the Mad Hatter's table, he is announcing, "The president is a genius." Those assembled at the table applaud. The March Hare stands up and declares, "The president is an idiot." The assembly applaud. The Door Mouse whispers to Alice, "they are all biased, you know."

Alice wrinkles her forehead in her cute, sexy manner and asks, "how is that possible when they've said he is both idiot and genius?"

The Door Mouse replies, "They didn't say he was idiot enough nor genius enough."

Alice, "I don't believe your statement makes sense." Door Mouse, "What time is it?"

The Mad Hatter is clacking his tea cup with a spoon to demand attention. "We can only spend our way to prosperity." The assembled applaud. The March Hare smashes his fist to the table, "Thrift and saving is the only path to a prosperous future." Again the assembly applauds.

The Door Mouse nudges Alice, "They are both wrong you know. My Teller says you have to spend money to make money and your have to have money to spend money."

Alice, "Where did the money come from in the first place?" Door Mouse, "What time is it?"

The March Hare hops on the table and shouts, "God gave us the right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness." The crowd stands and cheers.

The Mad Hatter doffs the hare from the table, "The basic Human Rights are food, shelter and medical treatment." The crowd continues to stand and cheer.

The Door Mouse staring at Alice's cleavage, "They're both right you know. The Teller tells us farmers are free to feed us, carpenters are free to build our houses and doctors are free to treat our wounds."

Alice crosses her long, silky legs, a bit of skirt slides up exposing a perfectly shaped thigh, "Who is this Teller?"

Door Mouse, "The Teller is knowledge. How can you know right or wrong, good or evil, justice or injustice if we are not told?"

Alice leans forward exposing a bit more bosom than necessary and asks, "And who tells the Teller?"

Door Mouse, "The Teller's Teller of course."

Alice's breasts swell and she sighs with the taste of honey and the scent of lilies, "And who is the first Teller?"

The Door Mouse explains, "The Tellers tell us there is no first Teller. They say ..." The Door Mouse is interrupted by an uproar from the tea party table.

The March Hare is pacing back and fore at his end of the table, "We are gathered here to render justice on these terrorists ..." Mad Hatter interrupting, "Freedom Fighters." March Hare continues, "PERSONS! Who have committed grievous crimes ..." Mad Hatter interrupting, "justifiable retaliation." March Hare turning a few shades into the red, "QUESTIONABLE ACTIONS! against the citizens of this great nation." Interrupting, Mad Hatter, "only the bad citizens and who is to say it is such a great nation?"

With all the grace of a bowling ball bouncing out of the gutter, the March Hare launches himself at the Mad Hatter. As entertaining as this midget match might be, the story continues with Alice. Alice, the sexy, the shapely, the ungodly curvy with the hips of a goddess, "Love the dress," Alice.

"Look Door Mouse, this hot android named Dorothy, I think she's bi, told me to find the red slippers."

"First, you must answer me these questions three."

"Door Mouse, do know what color your liver is? If you don't want to find out, you will tell me where to find the damn slippers so I can get the hell out of this shit hole."

Alice soon exits this realty to become a cartoon character named Angel.

It's Friday the 13th, it's been a really bad day and I've feed up with fucking liberals.

Ponderlings

Ponderlings are those random thoughts that pop into our brains like cosmic partials from space.

Is it a violation of the pork prohibition for Muslims to get the swine flu?

We've had the bird flu scare and the swine flu scare. Next year are we getting the "when pigs fly" flu scare?

Supreme Court justices must have those special glasses for reading the Constitution like in that "National Treasure" movie.

The government health care bill is so big one of the amendments was to give it its own zip code.

The first phone call was, "Mr. Watson--come here--I want to see you." A typical imperialist, capitalist swine ordering around the working class.

You'd think an army doctor ending his memos with "Death to American" would have been a hint.

Maybe the Army should point out "be all you can be" wasn't meant to include terrorist.

In the TV series "V," the lizard people got into all kinds of security jobs years ago. Does that mean it's Bush's fault?

Some times I think about hacking into the company's phone conference system to replace the on-hold music with the drum solo from Iron Butterfly's "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

The world is should to end in 2012 because that's when the Mayan calender ends. According to the calender hanging on my wall, the world will end December 31, 2009.

Thanks to the movie "2012," we won't have to worry about global warming or Obama's second term.

"There are no radicals in the White House. They are progressives."

I hate taking polls. I always get the answers wrong.

War's No Fun Anymore Wednesday

Armistice Day was created to memorialize the end of World War I, the war to end all wars, the Great War. That failing dream was completely shattered on December 7th, 1941, a day of infamy, a day when world wars would need to be numbered.

On those lonely nights, in far away places, I sometimes pondered the question of what is a great war? Was the Battle of Little Bighorn a "great war' for the Indian nations? Was the Hundred Years War a great war? Was Alexander conquering the known world a "great war?"

For the average ground pounder, the "Willie and Joe" of every war, there is no "great war." There is not a good war. At best, it is a necessary war. War is mud. And if it's not mud it's stinking sand. If it's not too hot, then it's too cold. I guess just right only happens in Goldilocks tales.

Some of you out there still remember Ike. He was both our general and president. Kind of like George Washington other than the golfing and wooden teeth. President Eisenhower turned Armistice Day into Veterans Day. Wars come and go but veterans are forever.

Let the pant load countdown continue,
Wilton Byrum
Attic of Long Ago and Far Away

P.S. Ironically, I have to use a personal holiday to take Veterans Day off.
P.P.S. I installed Windows 7 on a secondary machine. It doesn't suck yet but it's too early for a review.

This Just In

The House of Evil has won. The spawn of hell march the streets of Washington holding up the severed heads of their political enemies.

House Democrats pass health-care bill
One Republican votes for plan Senate will act next on legislation.

But the bill attracted a surprise Republican convert: Rep. Anh "Joseph" Cao of Louisiana, who represents the Democratic-leaning district of New Orleans and had been the target of a last-minute White House lobbying campaign.

Every Shakespearean tragedy has its traitor. "Traitor" Joe Cao has become the Benedict Arnold of the Was for the Constitution. I hope "traitor" Joe sold his soul for enough to live comfortably in hell (or the Democratic Party) for his career as a Republican ends with the 2010 primary.

The assault on the Constitution now moves to the Black Hole of Egos. "Knife to the kidney" Reid hopes for a voice vote on a blank piece of paper and to fill in the details in conference. Snow of Maine already has her vote for sale on Ebay.

WRAPUP 3-US House Democrats scramble for healthcare votes

We are at war to determine if we will have a government 'of the people, by the people, for the people." Yet, the liberal media refuses to admit the people are on the battlefield. Thursday, 10's of thousands of citizens shows up in the steps of the Capital Building to say NO to their representatives. The liberal media ignored them to report the AMA and AARP leadership supports Obama-care as if their endorsements hadn't already been given weeks ago.

The battle is lost but the war grinds slowly on.

House Of Evil: Wrath Of God

Washington Weather Service: Early morning frogs with scattered lice in the afternoon.

In the Market News, lamb's blood futures soar.Soul futures hit new low as politicians souls flood market. Satan Inc. up 10%. God stocks continue decline.

Capital Hill gossip has Democrats stocking up on lightning rods. Unconfirmed reports continue to come in of someone calling himself Mosses trying to get into the White House.

Our feudal barons have given us a health care plan that would be the envy of any medieval fiefdom. A brand new government program bought on the lay-a-way program. Four years of taxes, penalties and new regulation costs to create a new crop of victims for Medicare while the Holy Grail of Health Care lurks as a mirage on the horizon.

Cheer up we still have a "cap and trade" bill to save out vegetable-substitute bacon. Think of all the jobs a green economy will produce. Green the color of gangrene. Frostbite the consequence of a frozen and energy starved economy.

And Nancy has done this all in the name of Democracy that form of government from the wrong side of the tracks your Founding Father warned you against.